If a blog falls in the forest... or a rather large bellied pregnant woman...

... and no one reads it, is it really there?

So to anyone out there reading this, I’ve decided to rather shamelessly self-promote in the only way I know how: update my Facebook status. So perhaps you are here reading because of that! In that case I’ll need to entice you to keep you coming back, or at least to encourage you to become one of my “followers.”*

So how do I go about doing that... especially when all that’s really on my 35-week-pregnant brain is the fact that I’m starting to feel like my prostate is enlarged** (no, wait...). Or the fact that as I review quality of life questions for a research paper I’m working on at work, I can’t help answer questions such as “Due to your physical health in the past four weeks, have you accomplished less than you would like” in the resounding affirmative. I consider transitioning from a reclining position to upright as a big accomplishment for the day, one that has me counting. “OK, 1... 2... 3!” in order to move. Oh and the “cute” waddle that was introduced into my walk about 3 months ago has become a full on momentum necessity for forward motion.

Yes, yes, this is all temporary, but I wanted to rationalize why I might not have a good-plot story this week; I’m not outside of the house or office enough for that now. And while I’m not above attempting to pass a B-movie action plot off as my own life, well, who am I kidding. So I’m regaling you with pregnancy mishaps instead; how shameless indeed! At least it’s not potty humor, though (oh wait, I already talked about peeing).

One final observation for the day: if anyone out there has not been pregnant yet, I *highly* recommend that you take pictures of your belly button along the way, starting at oh, say, the fourth month, maybe, or just before your belly pops. The metamorphosis is amazing. I went from normal, boring belly button, to slightly oval, to Crater Lake style, to a slit, and now it looks like a tiny navel orange stem. Will it completely pop out? Not sure, but I’m told if it does, like a turkey, it means I’m done.

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*Which means very little, I think: you won’t get emailed updates or anything like that. It’s more symbolic (yet functional: in the paraphrased words of Mike Birbiglia “turns my self esteem from a -10 to a -5.”
** What I wouldn’t give for a good pee. The kind where you really have to go, but when you do, it’s awesome! And then you’re set for hours. Not the kind where “oh my gosh I might not make it” to be followed by, “that’s IT?” And yes, I am fully aware that I do not have a prostate gland.