Things you might overhear me saying to my sidekick...

because I have said all of the following, in public, and probably more than once:

1. Sand! It’s so... sandy!

2. Ah ah, we don’t put hair balls in our mouth. That’s yucky (this one is repeated daily)

3. Where’s your belly? Where’s your ear? Where’s your elbow? Where’s your...? [LOOP]

4. Ah ah, we don’t lick or suck on grocery carts. We just don’t.

5. We can go get another free sample, just don’t tell anyone. Look cute.

6. Did you go poop?

7. We need to be gentle with Spot, yes, nice, yes, NICE!! NICE!!

8. Here, let me get those boogs. Let mommy at ‘em.

9. What sound does a sheep make? What sound does a donkey make? What sound does a cow make? What sound does a … make? [LOOP]

So, admittedly, I have always been an out-loud inner monologue type, guilty almost every day of talking to myself at the computer (and I share an office). Talking to a little who can’t quite yet chat back is not hard for me, but I do wonder occasionally what the world hears from me. I often wish I were wittier, more creative, and more profound, but I also wish I were smarter, less exhausted, and better resourced.

So, the net result are axioms describing how “sandy” sand is, how “wet” water is, and abbreviating two-syllable words (see #8) and adding extra syllables when the sing-songy muppet that has taken parasitic residence in my brain think would make the words have better mouthfeel. So we reach for wipeys to get rid of boogs. Let me remind you that I’m the primary person teaching this Little language. As other parents perhaps contemplate their bi or tri-lingual home, Mandarin immersion programs for the not-so-distant future, I am literally leading G down new linguistic path, familiar to those who speak English, but a new dialect entirely. Oh well, at least she’ll be able to converse with her Mama.

What might we hear you all oversaying to your little (human or non-human)?

Plumpkins

About a week or so before I gave birth, my cousin Jenny called me with a request. In her usual fashion she asked me to agree to said request before stating it, and in my usual fashion I told her I had my fingers crossed, but yes, let’s hear it.

“I want you to paint your pregnant belly orange, like a pumpkin, and with a jack’o’lantern face, and take pictures of it” (this she gets out between deep inhales, the kind that accompany whole body laughs).

In my 9-months-and-counting tired pregnant state, I say “sure, why not, but I don’t have any orange paint... tell you what, I’ll let the committee think it over.”

Within 24 hours I start getting the following correspondence:

Letter 1:
Dear Soon-to-be Mama Kent,

As co-committee chairman from the Ohio sector, I am for the proposal to paint your belly as a jack-o-lantern. I want you to know that you don't have to present a formal proposal to me as I understand that time is of the essence. I too was proposed when I was pregnant to dance a lot and I did with a half smile on my face :) Now, I'm asking you to do the same. I vote yes for Operation Baby Kent Costume. This will be a great photo-op for Spot and his new baby sister.

Best Regards,

Shannon Beckwith
Co-committee Member Representative
Columbus, Ohio

Letter 2:
Dear Drs. Kent,

As committee chairman from the California sector, I am for the proposal to paint your baby as a jack-o-lantern. I want you to know that you don't have to present a formal proposal to me as I understand that time is of the essence. I'm already on board. I vote yes for Operation Baby Kent Costume. This will be a great photo-op for Spot and his new baby sister.

Best Regards,

Erica Bardin
Committee Member Representative
Santa Monica, CA

Letter 3:
Dear Drs. Kent,

As committee chairman from the Ohio sector, I am for the proposal to paint your baby as a jack-o-lantern. I want you to know that you don't have to present a formal proposal to me as I understand that time is of the essence. I'm already on board. I vote yes for Operation Baby Kent Costume. This will be a great photo-op for Spot and his new baby sister.

Best Regards,

Beverly J Logan
Committee Member Representative
Canfield, Ohio

And I would have done it; I swear! Gracie had other ideas, however, about starting her industry career as a festively painted fetal gourd. Luckily, Uncle Spot came to the rescue and agreed to take on the starring role as Plumpkin.