Affective Storms

Event vs. state?
state vs. trait?

Ah, the animal behaviorist in me! I remember trying to distinguish these events vs. states on ethograms, what we would use to record behaviors of what would see happen in the animals (ahem, okay dolphins) my fellow researchers and I would see in the wild (ahem, the cliffs off of La Jolla). So a dolphin breaching might be an event, but it might signify that it was in a state of feeding, fleeing, mating, or playing, depending on several other factors.

Psychologists often distinguish as well between state vs. trait. So a state of anxiety that a person might feel, say in a testing scenario, might be temporary and situation-specific, but a trait would be more constant over time.

The point is we are careful to classify what is happening in ourselves, and what we see in others, with respect to context and duration.

All of this careful pontification is leading up to my musings on how to tackle the tantrum.

Or as my wonderfully word-gifted friend L calls affective storms.

A tantrum always has a end point, and most children certainly are not forever in the throes of one, but my God, when they come on, for no discernible purpose, and with no way to diffuse... you start to wonder, in those moments (“is this just it?” “is this the way she’s going to be from now on?”).

Ah, I shake my head, and pity the former me who had these thoughts, after my little took her most favorite thing (a sippy filled with milk) and hurled it across the room, and tried to crawl to the furthest point in the room away from me, her mama, when all I did was to come fetch her from her nap. Yes, she was awake, and yes she was waiting for me. What did I do to offend? What’s broke, let me fix it? No, no... no solution available. Equation = unsolvable (unless you count the passage of time).

And yes, I realize, those with more seasons of toddlerhood under the belt, the dangers of overthinking. It may appear that I am doing that now; really, in working through this blog entry, I am un-thinking it. Sometimes tantrums can be prevented, sometimes they can be cured, but many times, they have to just be endured.

And ah yes, they are not traits, they are probably not even states, they are just events, which will later be replaced by harsh words, possibly a door slam. Again, not fixed in time, not distinguishing characteristics of the little (or former little) underneath. Maybe they’re artistic expressions? I do not know.

But I do know that I, on rare occasion, have been known to have my own... well, tantrum. Over... nothing. Just a short in my affective circuitry. And time has healed those as well. In addition to an occasional sippy of wine...

How do you all handle these "affective storms," in yourselves, and in your littles?