The Road to Continence

WARNING: This post is rated “C” for candid...

So people often think about continence, or more likely, incontinence, as referring to one type of bodily fluid, but after having a baby, I assure you that there is more than one kind. I can count four, no five, if you count night sweats, types of incontinence that accompany the postnatal period. My goal here is not to disgust, but rather to educate... or at least come clean.

Let’s start with the most obvious: tears. Wow has new mama cried. And it takes so little; really no external stimulus required. Maybe it’s nature’s way of helping you to empathize with your new baby, who also has incontinence of the eyes. All I know is that SPCA commercials, music with any sort of meaningful lyric, and anything but the happiest of tones of voice should be kept out of the vicinity of new mamas. Although it won’t matter, they’ll cry anyway.

Dairy cow. That needs to be milked, particularly first thing in the morning, or else the second kind of incontinence.

The night sweats thing might have somewhat to do with the space heater now occupying our room, but it’s also hormones, I’m sure.

The remaining two I’m not going to divulge much information about here, because they’re rather private, but let me just say they are reasons number two and three of why a private room after birth is a must (followed only by the importance of the precious couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep needed for survival). There’s a lot of trauma that happens downstairs, and for a while baby won’t be the only one wearing diapers. And I’m not talking about poo.

At day 21 of Grace’s sweet little life, I’d say I’m about 80% continent. I’m on my way back!