Back to Work

I promised myself I wouldn’t start writing this entry until more time had passed, preferably another week or more, but I then realized that part of the purpose of having this blog is to document moments as they come, rather than in hindsight. To be really accurate, I should have started writing this last Tuesday or Wednesday, but I was not in a state to write. And if I had been, this entry might have been entitled “I can’t do my job anymore.”

So in all honesty, I underestimated how hard it would be to go back to work. I sort of hung my hat on the news that for many moms, the anticipation anxiety is worse than the actual return, and therefore, I would be fine, since I was decently nervous. In some ways, I suppose that was okay, because I really did enjoy the last few days of my maternity leave, without too much angst. Tuesday morning finally arrived, and things started out smoothly enough, me with my multiple bags packed, showered, dressed, and fed before I woke up G. But then.... I woke her up, nursed her and got her dressed, and as we were playing on her activity mat the reality started to rumble its way through me. G doesn’t know that maternity leave is over, that she’s starting school. She’s happily playing with mommy, but in 15 minutes I have to put her in her car seat, drop her off with at a safe but new place with well-meaning but new people. And the tears came, and basically didn’t stop for three days.

So everything I’ve been experiencing is undoubtedly shared by the millions of working moms out there, but oh my gosh this is powerful stuff. The three months we had together, apart for maybe as much as 2 hours, and only a handful of times, was now over. And it flew by! Before that, we were literally symbiotically attached, for 38 weeks. So being away for her, for eight hours a day, 4-5 days of week seems powerfully unfair and cruel. Everything I had said to myself, about how I had worked so hard, and how much I loved my job, and how good daycare would be for her (the stimulation, the socialization), seemed like little lies I had told myself to justify the position I now found myself in. It doesn’t help that she hates being strapped into her car seat, or that it’s winter, either.

So that’s where I was at for most of the week; I seemed to be okay at work (after I wiped my eyes dry from the daycare dropoff) to about 1/1:30 in the afternoon... so, if I were working part time, I would be golden. Except I don’t have the kind of career track that can really go part time. What’s interesting, though, is that Friday I worked at home, with a great sitter we hired to ease my transition back, and I had a fabulous and productive day. I worked downstairs in our basement office, able to focus on my job without the separation anxiety or distractions of meetings or working in a shared office that had plagued me the three days prior.

So I’m faced with a series of choices, with choices embedded within those choices. Given the demands of my job and my position as a trainee, I need to be strategic and careful about what I request, but I also need to be assertive about possible changes that could help enable to me as an individual to do my job, and do it well. I have decided that I should make no final decisions based on my first week back to work, but that I should keep note of small things which will help M, G, and I survive and thrive. Setting the coffee pot the night before, cooking for leftovers on the weekend, and ordering off of Amazon Prime are some of those things, but so too may be asking for another work at home day. The latter will only be possible, however, if we can get more sitter coverage and bargain with daycare to charge us part time rates.

In the mean time, I offer my respect, solace, and gratitude to all working moms out there. I offer you a warm hug, a shoulder rub, whole-hearted reassurance that you’re doing the right thing, but most of all, if I could, I’d offer you minutes upon minutes, as I now understand how precious each one is with your beautiful, beautiful children.

Thank you thank you, fellow madres...

not only for the many gifts you have bestowed upon me, but also for the pearls of wisdom. This entry is dedicated to you. It is a non-exhaustive list of all the tips I have collected in these past three months (plus). Credit is given where credit was due, and remembered when and where possible! If I forgot to cite someone, mea culpa, but let me know! I will revise, and will add to this list as I discover more!

1. Nursing: First few weeks? Get the gel pads for your nipples, put them in the fridge, and stick those babies on between each feed [Gigi, Troas]. Soak your girls in some saltwater in the shower to speed healing inevitable cuts (I used two bowls) [Joanna]. While on this topic, dermaplast numbing spray for down there is awesome [Gigi], as are iced pads (or the kind where you break the cold capsule inside and they get nice and cool!).

A revision to the safety pin on the bra-strap to remember which side you nursed (or started nursing, for the ambi-nurser): even better - hair rubberband around the wrist [Jan]. Who trusts themselves with a sharp object near their boob or baby, anyway!? Another alternative for those of us like me who use said rubberband to tie hair back in between feedings, and therefore forget which side to start nursing? Feel both boobs from the top - the harder one goes next (pinching from the bottom way less informative) [Su]. Udder covers do a lot of promotional deals on nursing covers; I’ve gotten 2 now for five bucks each, and they’re nice because they have a rod you bend so you can see your babies cute little munchy face [Kara].

2. Pumping: get thee a hands-free zip up pump bra [Jen]!! Put the funnel parts in whole cut outs before zipping up, then attached bottle parts [Shayna]. If you’re serious about pumping, and you own a car, get a car adaptor because chances are you will end up pumping in your car at some point [Troas]. You can use your hooter hider for this as well.

3. Bathtime: Feel the water with your elbow [Joanna]; it’s far more sensitive than your fingers for figuring out if the water’s too hot (though the wrist is best for milk). Cradle cap? Drench your baby’s head in olive oil, let it sit for a few minutes (if you can, I never do!), scrub with a baby brush, then wash away with baby shampoo [Gigi, and our pediatrician]. The puj tub, a foamie mat that folds up like origami with magnets is a great alterntative to hard plastic tubs for newborns [Kate, via Gigi].

4. Soothing: bounce sad baby on a pilates ball [Carrie, Gigi], and by all means follow Dr. Karp like he is the pied piper (Happiest Baby on the Block). Unfortunately, there will be times when even Dr. Karp’s methods will only work for about 5 minutes; then consider mylicon [Gigi], give baby a bath [Su], walk around the house or do stairs holding baby [Su], hand baby to daddy, or just wait it out. Borrow, rather than buy, when possible, a swing, because some babies hate them or only like them for a short while. Pacis are a wonderful tool, and there’s a brand called “gumdrop” that you can get online that look and feel just like Soothies but have a mouth part that conforms to the shape of baby’s mouth, making them easier to stay in and less likely to roll away to some dusty dark corner [Shannon].

5. Clothes: zip up jammies, while less likely to be received (probably because snap-ups tend to be cuter), are available at both Target [Erika] and Children’s Place [Shannon] and are way faster and easier to fasten in the middle of the night!

6. The “Y” (you!) of the baby whisperer’s EASY routine? In the beginning, get a post-partum doula (call her an consultant if you can’t stomach the d word - actually, you’ll end up calling her “our angel”!) [Michael, Joanne] unless you have absolutely amazing help in the form of grandmothers, aunts, etc... it really does take a village. Later on, phone a friend - a good friend, or cousin (thank you again, Shannon!) with recent mama bear experience to come over and really, really help. Prepare yourself to pay that kind of help forward. Say yes to every offer of baby sitting, house cleaning, and casserole that is offered.

7. Diapering: the newborn Pampers Swaddlers has a blue line to indicate wetness, which is helpful when you're becoming acquainted with baby pee [Karen, Carrie]. The diaper genie, in my opinion, works well if you remember to wrap up the diaper on itself when possible to keep diaper contents from touching the outsides of the genie. Boudreaux’s rash protector spray is an excellent every-day diaper area protector, and it rocks because it’s a spray and it smells nice [Su].

8. Things to put your baby in: the more options the better (boppy, bouncy chair, swing, baby rocker, exersaucer when the time comes), which is why it is great to receive these things as gifts or hand-me-downs. If you live, like we do, in a multi-level house, it is a pain to have to haul things-to-put-your-baby in room to room, so having one option per room or at least per floor is key. Mobiles are not to be overlooked either, and can be a great way to keep munchkin entertained in the tween weeks (intellectually craving stimulation but without the hand coordination to self-entertain) while you fold laundry or eat foods that require two hands [me, through trial and error!].

9. Flying with baby: First of all, it can be done, and it's great to go places with baby! With two adults, almost easy. We found it easy to gate-check the car seat and cheap snap n' go-type stroller, which was really made for airport travel [Gigi]. Security? Key is to not stress, get there early, and I think do the following order on the belt: shoes (slip on if possible), liquids in ziploc, diaper bag, stroller, then car seat (after taking out baby first!!), so that you have hands-free as long as possible. Nursing or feeding during takeoff and landing to help with ear-clearing is a good idea [Carrie, Gigi, Mara, Joanne, Mer]. Multiple people suggested bringing a change of clothes for you as well as baby for inevitable blow-outs, because who wants to be stuck on a plane covered in poo? Your neighbors won't want that either...

List in progress, will update I remember more!

Thank you, thank you, fellow madres.